Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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