The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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