I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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