Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
