sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
