Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
