Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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