Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We need to rekindle our bromance
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
