Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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