Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
