I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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