Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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