she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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