the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
