this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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