What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
