Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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