I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
