So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
