More tranny stories later!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
