I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
