I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
