...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
