so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it's like iHOP with fire
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
