Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
