That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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