I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
