ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
