Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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