I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
