I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
