there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
