I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
