Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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