I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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