he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
