I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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