What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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