Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
