also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
