Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
