I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
