I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
