Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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