You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
