just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
