got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
