The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
