the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
