Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
