Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
