my phone cant type all the emotion im having
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
