also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
