as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
