I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
