Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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