i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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