i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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