We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
