i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
