You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
