everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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