We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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