I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
