I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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