her vagine was all disorganized.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
