I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
