I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
