i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
