Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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