She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
