You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
