My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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