literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
