i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
