And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
