so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
