All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
