you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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