Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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