Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
