I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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