What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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