I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
