I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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