Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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