im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
