She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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