Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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