All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
