so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
