why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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