wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
