You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
