drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
