you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
