What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
