Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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