i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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