she looked like the before picture.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
