For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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