when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
